WWCD - What Would Cinda Do?
As Cinda says, "After working with college men and women for over 25 years and college advisors and administrators along the way, there is little I have not seen or experienced. Cinda is open and ready to give you written advice for the asking whenever you are faced with a serious situation or just want one more educated opinion before you decide what to do. If you would like a personal answer, please write to , otherwise, the blog will be displayed on this site, with your names changed, of course.
My boyfriend doesn't respect me and is always putting me down in front of others, what should I do?
My boyfriend never takes me out on a real date, I am expected to cook for him or eat ordered pizza, Is he the right guy for me?
I can't seem to get the hang of my class and I'm afraid I'm going to fail, what should I do?
My mother calls me after every class to see if I have gone to it? Is there a nice way to remind her I am OK and an adult?
My Mother calls me after every class...
Dear Cinda, I'm at my wits end. My Mom calls me after every single one of my classes to check up on me and to see if I got up and went to class. Doesn't she realize that I'm an adult? I feel like she doesn't trust me. I love her a lot and enjoy talking to her, but not when she calls all of the time. I'm afraid what my friends are going to think of me. Wits End
Dear Wits End,
I know I don't have to tell you that Moms will be Moms some times when they want you to do the very best you can at everything. Frankly, they might really be scared and really missing you, too. If you have a good relationship with your Mom, as it sounds like you do, I'd just thank her for her concern and tell her how much you love and respect her. Then share how much you want to make her proud of you and how she has always taught you to be responsible and make good decisions. Thank her for all she has taught you, and maybe throw in a specific example. But, now that you are 18, you really want to do things on your own. You are sure she has faith in you to make it to class, but you'd like to call her when you are alone and can have a private conversation. Your Mom will respect you even more that you were willing to bring this to her attention. Let me know how she takes it.
My Boyfriend is always putting me down in front of our friends...
Dear Cinda, I can't believe I have let this go on so long, but the guy I have been seeing since school started, I'll call him Grant, never says nice things about me in front of our friends. He says my hair is too short and I should grow it longer, or he makes fun of the way I always study in the library. What's worse is that he does this not to my face when we are alone, but rather in front of our friends. Why does he feel he has to be mean in front of our friends? Feeling Inconsequential
Dear Feeling Inconsequential,
Remember that no one can make you feel insecure without your permission, so don't give it. Stand up to Grant. Tell him specifically, I am sure you do not know what your comments are doing to me, but when you make fun of my hair or my studying, it makes me feel like I am nothing. If he defends his actions, tell him, that you are sure he thinks it is funny, but it isn't and you want it to stop now. All you want is a little respect. He obvioulsy likes you for a reaso, so why does he try to hurt you and make you feel inconsequential. I'm sure he will respect that you are standing up for yourself. BTW, have this conversation in provate and tell him that any negative comments should always be made in private, praise in public.